Lessons
by Negaigoto
Summary: Set in a more peaceful time, these two strive to make the most of their lives, with each little lesson pulling them through to the next point in time… C.C. x Lelouch Rated T in case of later content
1. Lesson 1: Pointless

Description: Set in a more peaceful time, these two strive to make the most of their lives, with each little lesson pulling them through to the next point in time… C.C. x Lelouch

AN: It will probably be OOC a lot, and it will shift perspective every chapter, odd lessons/chapters are Lelouch's perspective, evens are C.C.'s unless I choose to change it around. I still need a beta D:

Lesson 1: Pointless

Annoying, tiresome, and infuriating. Those are all words that would describe her perfectly. Besides that though, her haughty, arrogant smile pissed me off to no end. She always did win our little word games that we would play every now and then. Then again, I'd like to think of it as letting her win them all the time. After all, I had better things to do, such as run my country. Then again she wouldn't let that slide as an excuse would she…

I glanced at her again. As usual, she was just lying there enjoying her magazine and taking delicate bites out of her pizza that she used MY credit card to purchase. While I dislike food such as pizza, I nevertheless feel as though I deserve at least a bit of restitution don't I? Well I will not press that matter for now… Her gluttony has given me a bigger problem. She now has an armada of plushies. What's worse is she's forcing me to learn all of their names. For her favorite Cheese-kun to the Pepperoni-kun, which in my opinion is just Cheese-Kun colored red. But I'll digress again as this is serving no true purpose.

What truly irritates me about her is our relationship. Well, I can't even call it that can I? She prefers to think of it as a contract, which I feel are grounds for declaring it a relationship, but she'd just coldly deny it, so again, I won't press that point. I wonder why I even bother with her… While she gave me the Geass, all she would tell me about it is that it is different for everyone, and that I'm responsible for my own god damn actions. I salute her for her obviousness and holding the position of the current Captain Obvious.

While I say all these things, I cannot deny one thing. And, while I must be losing my mind to be confessing this, I find myself greatly attracted to the beauty lying on my bed. There I said it, beauty. I admit she is quite beautiful, rivaling most of the females on this godforsaken school to be sure. And her green hair only further separates her from the masses that do happen to attend. While I find her annoying, and tiresome, I cannot deny those also make her special in her own way. With her brand of wit, it's hard not to enjoy our daily bantering back and forth. But again this is all pointless and not worth the brainpower it takes to formulate those thoughts.

"What Lelouch?" She muttered at me with that annoyed tone in her voice. At least have the courtesy to look up from your god damn magazine witch… I couldn't help but that thought flash through my mind. I sighed, what use was it to discuss manners with her. While she understood the concept, she didn't give a damn anyways.

"Nothing." I replied flatly, continuing our game, and as I let my response hang in the air, I wondered how long this game would last. Hopefully it'll be longer than out previous game. That one was only a few lines long with me winning by default because she had fallen asleep out of the sheer boredom of the moment. It brought a small smile to my lips, how we could have those lapses of excitement in our chaotic lives was truly amazing. She obviously noticed my change in moods and looked up for a second before shifting into a more comfortable position and continued to read. I sighed again, what pointless thoughts yet again. Nothing good was going to come out of this contract. Not something I would want between the witch and I at least.

For some reason, I could not help but think about her wish, wondering what it would be. Bah, what was with all these pointless thoughts these days? I found myself often drowning in them. I closed my eyes and sighed again. It wasn't like me to be like this. The witch obviously must've realized this as I felt her gaze pierce into me for what seemed like countless minutes. After that excruciating pause, she got up from my bed and walked over to me. I continued to keep my eyes closed to annoy her. It looked like I had won this short round. I relished in my victory for another moment before I felt a soft pressure on my shoulder.

I opened my eyes and gazed at the beauty that had decided to turn me into a pillow. I gave her no smile, but looked away and I held her tight. She snuggled close, distinctly unwitch like. I myself was quite shocked at her current out of characterness. Nevertheless, I allowed her to do as she pleased as I continued to hold her for another few moments. I cherished these far and few pointless moments, where words weren't needed. It was quite a bit sad actually.

She gently pushed against me, but I held her all the tighter, not prepared to let her go. I knew it was futile though, to hold her against her will, and relented after another moment. She got up and again collapsed onto the bed, this time curling up with her precious Cheese-kun. I will never understand why she loves those things, or why she has such an appetite for pizza. She snuggled into her blankets, or should I say my blankets, turned her back to me, and seemingly feel asleep.

I sat there at my desk for another few minutes before deciding to join her in sleep. I debated sleeping on the bed with her and seeing her reaction in the morning. But then I realized with her abilities, I might not live to see morning, and that could be very bad indeed. I unrolled my futon and got out the blankets and pillows that I would need. When I had laid down and closed my eyes, she spoke.

"Lelouch?"

"Hmm?"

"Sleep with me."

I was shocked to say the least. The witch needed companionship? What kind of sick joke was this? I turned onto my side and ignored her. I would soon regret that as she jumped on top of me crushing my hips.

"Didn't you hear me the first time?" She was growling at me now… Maybe she was serious? I sighed and winced as I attempted to get up. By the time I had gotten myself settled she had already wrapped herself up and was watching me with amusement as I struggled to grab my blankets on the floor. Wordlessly, she handed me one of hers and promptly blushed. Now this was quite a change. Since when did C.C., the arrogant witch, make such pointless emotional gestures.

"Don't get used to it." Was all she could say. I smiled, and took her offered blanket. It wasn't long before I found her in my arms though. Of course she had some lame excuse ready for me, such as: "I thought you'd be cold" or "This might be your only time in bed with a female, enjoy it." Regardless, I held her tightly as I had just minutes ago. I whimsically thought that: 'today was just another day full of pointless gestures, words, thoughts, and actions wasn't it.' I would never admit it to her, and I knew she would never ever admit to me. But we shared a hell of a lot more than the contract I had taken up ages ago. Now if only we knew what we shared… Maybe this wouldn't be as awkward as it is now.

And that is fin for chapter one. After this chapter, the next chapter will be determined by your reviews and what you want the topic on. I will pick a random topic from the reviews. And if no one suggests a topic, I'll just find one 


	2. Lesson 2: Companionship

Description: Set in a more peaceful time, these two strive to make the most of their lives, with each little lesson pulling them through to the next point in time… C.C. x Lelouch

AN: It will probably be OOC a lot, and it will shift perspective every chapter, odd lessons/chapters are Lelouch's perspective, evens are C.C.'s unless I choose to change it around. I still need a beta D: This chapter is from C.C.'s perspective Also, this story may not be linear but the different things do tie together loosely. I may make reference to older chapters in the future. This topic came around from a separate poem I'd been writing earlier.

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Lesson 2: Companionship

Annoying. That was how he was towards me. Always quipping away and making unnecessary comments about me. I enjoyed my daily meal of a pizza, and I loved my nice plushie collection. He wasn't going to take them away from me! Arrogant? Me? Feh, he should look in the mirror one day and maybe he'd realize just how much of a prick he was himself. I'll digress at this point; my emotions were getting to me more than they should have.

Perhaps that was what was bothering me. I'd become so much emotional around him. More emotional than any other time around, even when I was around Mao. Don't get me wrong. I loved Mao in a motherly fashion, but he just wasn't the one for me. Lelouch though? The shocking thing would probably be that I've been thinking about him so often these days. It infuriated me that he could get me so fired up over something so trivial such as emotions. But, I suppose that's just the kind of person Lelouch was... I can't ever forget him saving me back then during his first encounter with Lancelot, but then again, I'm sure that was just his pride talking. After all, he knew I had superior regeneration abilities. (How else would I survive a gunshot to the head?) It gave me a headache just thinking about such things.

Luckily he never noticed. Him and his ever piercing gaze were always searching for faults in me. Faults I wouldn't show him. Regardless, of such facts though, I admit, I enjoyed his company greatly. It was a tad bit better than the obsessed Mao, and it was exponentially greater than spending time in a prison, treated as a research subject.

I wonder if he notices… Just how lonely I get. Maybe if he would get it through his thick head that even I need companionship to, he would be able to understand why I cling to my plushies and do my best to keep him alive. Of course, his pride will get in the way as usual, and he'll just brush me off and hurt me in the process. Yes, I do indeed feel pain. Is it really such a shock though? It's a natural survival instinct to feel pain. It lets you know you should run. Maybe I should leave him. Maybe I should let him feel just how lonely I am. But in actuality, that would backfire on me.

I've been alone for so long… Ever since I left Mao in fact. Being trapped in a container, and examined? Who would want that? I certainly didn't. Maybe that's why I appreciated Lelouch so much… He didn't ask for anything, but he was good company nevertheless. Annoying, but good company. Arrogant, but still good company. Actually, now that I think about it rationally, the bad outweighs the good. But I'll stay with him regardless. He's all I have now, and I need his credit card to buy me my pizza.

I snuck a glance at him as I grabbed my Cheese-kun from the floor. He was reading as usual. Who knows what was going through his head at this point. He did have a country to run. Maybe, just maybe, that's why I've given him a bit more slack these days. I did care about his well-being, despite my coldness. After all, if he broke from the stress, how would he carry out my contract?

Hmm… Maybe, this matter-of-factness of mine was what made him think me arrogant in the first place. But why shouldn't I think this way? I've been alone for so long, all I have left is that contract. Why shouldn't I enforce it in order to get my wish? Yes, my desires are selfish, but at least I have a basis for them. Weak basis? Maybe, but it was good enough for me. And if it was good enough for me, it would have to do for Lelouch.

I sighed audibly, and he looked up at me curiously. I snapped off a "What" and he held his gaze for another few minutes before giving up. I buried myself into Cheese-kun. Cheese-kun was always so dependable at least. He was better than that lousy Lelouch at least, in terms on company. Now, if only they had a talking Cheese-kun… I wonder how many coupons and stamps I would need for that… I could only dream I suppose. I always wondered what dreams were really about… I had none that I could remember, and that scared me just a bit. It just separated me more from him, who had dreams he could recall. If it served any purpose, it only amplified my feelings of being alone.

Oh dear… Now I'm not making any sense at all. I wished I could get my thoughts in order, but my emotional walls seemed to have started to crumble. I sighed again, and this time Lelouch didn't look up. I deserved it though, for ignoring him just a few moments ago. What a strange melancholic feeling… To feel this emptiness and sadness, it was quite new to be truthful. I'd long grown used to this sort of emptiness, from all the shunning I've been through. Then I'm left with the question of why. Why does this hurt so much when it shouldn't any longer?

I wiped away my growing tears. How unlike me. To be crying over this small matter. I don't cry. At least, I don't know. But something, something seemed to have snapped inside of me. I didn't know what, I didn't know why. And it pissed me off greatly. Not knowing was more torturous then being burned alive, more torturous than being left to die in the trenches. It burned a hole inside of me, and continued to devour me alive. I started to shake and at this point I realized I was truly fighting a losing battle against myself. Memories, emotions, and people I've known all rose up against me, jeering at me, flashing in my head. The emptiness of my existence became clear to me, and I was drowning in it.

For some reason though, it seemed to be abating. I was confused, but I could suddenly feel a pressure around me. I tried to focus, but found the images still flooding my head to be too distracting. As it continued to clear, I became aware of Lelouch holding onto me. It was embarrassing really. To be comforted by that annoying bastard. But I won't complain. I welcome anything that stopped me from losing it. Just maybe, I'll give him the credit for coming to my aid. But, that presents the problem of his knowing smirk. I buried my head into his chest and he held me all the tighter.

For something that annoyed me to no end, I have to admit, I did enjoy it. I wished that time would stop at that moment, and I could pretend we'd be together forever. I knew this wasn't true. Humans died, immortals also died eventually even if they died slower. I wish I could die. This loneliness wasn't something I wanted to live with forever. There could only be one Lelouch in my life after all. I wonder what I would do without him… I suppose that would be a question for the future…

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Yeah, I've had this idea lodged away for quite some time now in all actuality… I guess it's better for me to get it out now and proofread it later before I completely lose it. Please R&R as well as give suggestions on what subject you want discussed next. As I stated in my profile, I will do my best to update this collection of One-Shots at least twice a week. I've already drafted an idea for a C.C. x Lelouch story in an AU so expect that soon as well.

Edit #1: chinatsu sanyu: I honestly did not see your review before i wrote this . but I hope it satisfies you


	3. Lesson 3: Birthdays

Description: Set in a more peaceful time, these two strive to make the most of their lives, with each little lesson pulling them through to the next point in time… C.C. x Lelouch

AN: This is a special chapter made just for my friend, his birthday is coming up and he loves Code Geass almost as much as me! So I hope you enjoy this Birthday lesson special. It will be a Lelouch oriented chapter as it is his birthday, not really. There will be lots of OOC in this chapter, so gomen in advance.

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Lesson 3: Birthdays

I wandered lazily around the school grounds, evading females attempting to shower me with gifts. It was so tiresome; every time my birthday came around I would end up with so many gifts from love struck teens that gave me enough gifts to break my back when carrying them. After a few years of this sort of experience I've given up on birthdays completely and desperately avoided places where I might run into anyone. If I failed, I would usually be pinned down and assaulted by hundreds of confessions, flowers, and presents.

Don't get me wrong, presents are nice. But going deaf for weeks as well as not being able to move might've just soured the thought of getting those gifts. It became a little game of hide and seek, with them seeking, and me getting the hell out of there. I couldn't even retreat to the student council room, as Milley had laid down traps to catch me around this time. My own home was also out of question. I didn't want to trouble Nunnally with the noise and abhorred it when she was bothered.

I sighed, ruffling my hair my hand as I tried to grasp the situation at hand. It was actually quite confusing. Apparently, Milley had decided to throw me a party today in the ballroom of the clubhouse, one that I was mandated to attend. Hence my sigh, going against the student council president, also known as the principal's daughter, was something that no one would be stupid enough to do. Even I wouldn't dare to be arrogant enough to spite her. I feared the repercussions and the mounds of slave work that might await me if I did.

Again, I sighed and continued on my way to my room. I said hello to Nunnally and accepted her happy birthday hug on my way there. I dropped my bag on the floor and saw C.C. laying there sprawled out on my bed, sound asleep. I refrained from waking her, as the sleeping form of her was so much cuter than the awakened part of her. Not that you'd ever hear me admit that in front of her. Not that I needed to, I knew that she knew what I was thinking. I gently brushed a rouge strand of hair away from her face and grabbed a clean change of clothes. By the time I had finished showering and dressing, she had already changed into her outfit. I had managed to arrange for her to get a uniform and attend the school, thanks to my connections with the Ashfords. I admit, she looked stunning in it, more so than most of the females that attended this school.

I held out my hand and she accepted it with her blank but analyzing stare. We went down together into the hall, I gave Nunnally her goodnight hug and told Sayako to put her to put. Then we made our way down to the clubhouse. It was dark inside. I had a bad feeling about the party. And sure 

enough, when we entered, all the lights suddenly flashed on and there was a roaring 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' from the crowd. C.C. and I entered arm in arm and suddenly most of the girls went silent while the guys instantly began to wonder amongst themselves who C.C. was. It was a simple enough lie at this point to just lie to everyone and allow them to think she was a family friend who had dropped by.

Milley then led me to the ballroom and I stood there, completely stupefied. I had three entire mountains of presents, each one at least 4 feet tall. But then the pizza man arrived with the order of fifty assorted pizzas and I was distracted by C.C.'s sudden dash to grab a plate. Everyone was staring at her as she nonchalantly ate a slice a pizza before I did. I sighed, and smiled telling everyone to ignore her. She gave me a look and disappeared into a separate room.

After a few hours of celebration and games, the clock rung out twelve chimes announcing midnight. At this point, the cake was brought out and C.C. reappeared, curious as the gigantic cake, enough to feed the three hundred some people attending, was wheeled out. Nineteen candles were lit and were put out after a hearty round of the happy birthday song. I'll keep what I wished to myself if that's alright. I began to socialize and met many new people and admirers. I adopted my best polite smile and said hello everyone speaking of light matters and meaningless conversation. Eventually, I noticed C.C. out of the corner of my eye glaring at me as if I were late for something. I made my way through the crowd and when I got to her she latched onto my arm and nudged me towards the gardens.

I gazed at her quizzically and was about to ask her what was wrong when she spoke.

"Are you enjoying yourself tonight?"

I smiled and replied back.

"More than I thought I would."

She gave me another look and didn't press that matter. I began to wonder why we were here when she suddenly spoke up again.

"Ne, Lelouch…" She had a melancholic look about her now which worried me, "What's it like to have a birthday where people shower you with affection?"

To tell the truth, I was shocked at her question. She looked so vulnerable when she asked it, seeming almost jealous when she had. I brushed a lock of hair out of her eyes and she flinched. I thought hard about the answer before I gave it. Finally after about thirty seconds of deliberation I responded.

"Tiring, but enjoyable in the end." I looked at her again and she seemed satisfied with the answer and I summoned the courage to ask, "Why?"

"I… I can't remember my birthday…" She murmured looking over the garden away from me. A pang went through my heart as I heard the sadness in her voice. "I just wanted to know what it felt like, to have one… Maybe, then I could remember if I'd ever had one."

I seized her in a hug and she grasped me back. A first for her to be sure, but all I could think about now was comforting her. We stood there in an embrace for quite some time before she pushed me off. There were tears in her eyes now. I gently wiped them away with a handkerchief that I carried in my breast pocket. Her eyes glistened in the moonlight and I was suddenly overtaken by the strangest feeling. Suddenly I felt that I knew what I should do.

"From now on my birthday will be yours as well." I murmured into her ear, "Now we'll be bound by an even stronger tie."

She buried her head into my chest and I could feel her tears. I pulled her away and looked her in the eyes.

"Happy birthday, C.C.." With that, I gently took her chin in my hand and kissed her softly on her velvety soft, tear-stained lips. I held it for a moment before parting. She stood there seemingly in shock before finally coming back to her senses. She gazed at me now, blushing, and murmured:

"Happy birthday, Lelouch."

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And that is fin! Just a quick one shot with Lelouch finally getting some :3 I will not be updating this til next week so check out my other fic if you have time! R&R please  Much appreciated.


	4. Lesson 4: Guilt

Description: Set in a more peaceful time, these two strive to make the most of their lives, with each little lesson pulling them through to the next point in time… C.C. x Lelouch

A/N: Due to my new update schedule (on my author page) I will be updating this tri-weekly on average, however, this first week will undergo a shocking FIVE updates. So enjoy. :3

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Lesson 4: Guilt

It was a queer feeling, guilt that is. I never really understood it. Why would you regret your actions? The fact that you acted them out reveals that you felt that they were necessary at the time. What was there to regret? I truly did not understand until now. After giving the Geass to Lelouch, I began to feel the pangs of guilt that humans have. Perhaps Lelouch really is changing me. Life seems to blur as the endless serenade of time moves onward. People regret this passage. And now, I do as well. I sighed and looked up from my magazine at Lelouch. He was brooding over his latest "victory" over the overwhelming Britannian forces. Many innocent civilians had died again. He seemed to deeply regret their deaths. I wonder if I would too if I was the one doing the killing. But Lelouch wasn't the murderer. It was Britannia that had caused their deaths. He blamed himself though, believing that, had he not gone into that region, they might still be alive. I desperately wanted to comfort him, like all the times he's been there for me.

However, this feeling… This guilt was still foreign, despite me now recognizing that I feel it myself. The pain it's caused Lelouch. I wish I could take all that pain away from him, and make it my own. I hate this feeling, it's irrationality annoys me. Why should I take his suffering away? Deep inside me, my own feelings churn out typhoons and rip at my icy heart's exterior, washing it away bit by bit. I remembered a few months ago, it had been Lelouch's birthday. I had broken down, allowed my emotions to take me over. I could not believe I had shown such weakness then. But, I blushed as I remembered that kiss, which was oh so sweet and tender. I shook my head frustrated at my thoughts. I cast my eyes back down at my magazine, trying to focus on anything other than that feeling that seemed to have burst out of my melting heart. I sighed again and decided to sleep instead of thinking so much.

I glanced at him again, and felt that guilt once more. I wondered, if I hadn't given him the Geass, what would've happened? Would he have died? Would he have gone on to live a normal life? Would he have been happier? As these questions trickled into my head and began to echo, I realized just how painful human feelings truly are. I gave a sympathetic look towards Lelouch, but his eyes had glazed over as he stared down at the newspaper. I lifted myself off the bed and walked over to him. And I buried my head into his shoulder. No response. I held that position for a while before looking at him. I was suddenly nervous, his face was pale and his eyes seemed to be completely white. I hurriedly checked his pulse and found it to be almost next to nothing. Those thoughts lodged in my head began taunting me again. I desperately tried to ignore them and call Sayako. All that came out was a whimper. I collapsed on the floor and my head felt like it was on fire. The pain ripped into me and there was no Lelouch to comfort me. I struggled to get to the door but fell short. As my eyes closed and I began to slip into unconsciousness, there was only one thing on my mind.

"I'm so sorry Lelouch…" And with that, I fell into an abyss of total darkness and nothingness.

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I stood at the hill, sheltered by a grove of trees and stared down into Lelouch's room. I concentrated and tried to hear what they were saying.

"Lelouch! You need to do less stressful things!" the doctor said exasperated, "Your blood pressure is erratic and your heart nearly failed on you! You could've done serious damage to your body, luckily your maid was able to find you before that."

I clenched my fist. Was it my fault? Was it my fault that he had to suffer from that pain, that guilty feeling of causing other people's untimely demise? I clenched my teeth, unable to bear it for myself. I felt useless, unable to save him because of my own disability. The pain of seeing untold paths laid bare before you and the paths taunting you, telling you what he could've been had he been free from my contract. I wanted to run, run far away and end this miserable existence. Stop the creations of more Mao's, more Lelouch's. I wanted to hide away forever, and let my existence and memory fade from time itself. Once the doctor left, I abandoned my hiding spot and headed straight to him.

He looked so calm when asleep. I gently got into bed with him and nestled into him. I couldn't run now. Regardless of these feelings I would have to endure. He would protect me, and I would protect him. Though I want to run away and escape from this endless cycle, I chose to fight. Even if it means suffering, I would do it for him. To alleviate the pain of the guilt that now ran rampant inside of me. I would be his angel and devil at the same time. I would be whatever he needed me to be for him. I would do whatever to atone for the misfortune I had brought upon him.

"Don't cry…" He murmured weakly. I blinked and realized that I had begun to cry without knowing, "I'm fine damn it. Don't worry so much…"

This only made me want to cry more. Why, why did I have such a break-down? This was not like me… I quieted down though and hugged him tight. I couldn't stop myself, the regret inside me seemed to be dictating my actions.

"If you blame yourself… Don't." He said, struggling to form the words. "I've never felt that you are to blame."

That only drove me off even more. How could he say that? If he didn't have his Geass, he wouldn't have had to face those atrocious things. I could feel that demon in my head attacking me again, leering and laughing at my weakness. I was powerless; as it was me I was fighting. I could do nothing against the flood of memories and painful experiences rippled through me and left me battered and feeling hopeless. Suddenly though, I felt a warmth spread throughout myself and the pain seemed to fade away. As I started to fade again, I felt his arm wrapped around me, pulling me into him. I wished he knew just how much that meant to me. I wish I could tell him that I truly did care about him. I wished for so many things, but I knew he could only grant one of them. It was a painful and melancholic revelation. Though for now, it assuaged my guilt, and let me drift off into the numbness of sleep… That sweet, wonderful abyss...

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Yea… Okay, I think I lost myself down at the end. But my brain hurts so I'll just end it before I screw it up even more. R & R please :D Also, be sure to check my other story, which I will also be updating soon after this one.


	5. Lesson 5: Games

Description: Set in a more peaceful time, these two strive to make the most of their lives, with each little lesson pulling them through to the next point in time… C.C. x Lelouch

A/N: I'm sorry I didn't do a fifth update. I've had a splitting headache every day after school and as a result I couldn't write. Also, I've been busy with school work and as a result I probably won't be updating Once More till the school year is over. I will continually update Lessons on the weekend and may release occasional true one shots. This will be a special one shot as I'm going to do a double PoV, however next chapter will be completely C.C.

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Lesson 5: Games

It was interesting really; these games that we played with each other. Whether they be chess or Monopoly. Whether it be life or death. This constant struggle between humans; it's really just a waste of time in my opinion. Of course, I enjoy these games despite my opinion. I find it tantalizing to beat your opponent and crush him or her out of existence. Occasionally, breaking a person to realize just how terrible and lousy they are is quite refreshing and enjoyable. Of course, I could never beat Her… We always ended up in a stalemate, both of us stubborn and unable to back down. It was alright though… I loved her, I will admit it. She was the only one who made me feel this fleeting warmth when she glanced at me. But life was just a game to her now. One that she was trying so desperately to lose. She no longer wanted to live, and when I washed away from this world she'd be alone once more. However, if life really is a game, then my goal would be to fulfill that wish of hers. I will do it. I've never lost a game.

She would even grudgingly admit that. I never lost, if I didn't win, I would tie. Losing was not going to happen to me. Maybe it would one day. Maybe my intelligence and luck wouldn't be enough. But today was not that day. I smiled and put her into checkmate. She sighed tiredly and reset the board.

"Again." She said firmly.

We played for hours on Fridays after school let out. We gave no quarter and accepted none in return. I gave it my all as did she. Eventually she would beat me every now and then, and I would need to change that strategy. She put me in check.

"You know, maybe you know we too well." I jokingly said as I guarded my king with a knight.

"Maybe… Or maybe you're losing your touch." She replied coolly as she took away one of my pawns. We continued to banter like this, back and forth, back and forth. It was an enjoyable peace. She hadn't relapsed into her depression in quite some time now. I found myself sleeping with her on a more frequent basis. Could this have been one of her games? To psych me out? I don't know, nor do I care at this point. As long as I had her, I was fine. Relatively fine at least. I wonder if she knew how important she was to me. I hope she knows that I'm not playing a game with her. I do love her. I love her more than anything in the world. Nunnally doesn't count. She's my little sister. I will never stop loving Nunnally either. But C.C.? I just don't know anymore. It wouldn't be like me to just confess these feelings to her. So I won't. I've been confused these days. These feelings were interfering with my life. I was always busy worrying about her, wondering what she was doing, if she was safe. She was still wanted after all, no matter how much we lied and masqueraded.

"If killing me would help achieve your goals, would you do it?" She asked suddenly putting me into check. She looked up at me and I gazed back at her, surprised. I withdrew into myself and thought hard about it. Four moves later, I was still thinking and didn't notice that I had been put into checkmate till about a minute later. She looked back up at me.

"I didn't say it to distract you." She muttered softly, looking away. "I just wanted to know, would you prioritize your plans over me?"

"No." I said firmly. For some reason, losing the game didn't seem all that bad. Maybe this was the time to get my feelings out to her now. Maybe this was the right time to end our charade. Maybe, just maybe… But no, I continued the game, the illusion. I didn't know how she would take it. I cared about and have been with her long enough to know that she might just outright reject me. I sighed and unrolled my futon on the floor. She silently picked up the chess pieces and carefully stored them in the case. I pulled out my blankets and pillows and she wrapped herself up in hers. And we slept. When I woke up, she lay next to me, cuddled up with a peaceful expression on her face.

It was at times like these that I felt so strongly attracted to her. She was like an angel at these times; a tortured angel. I shook my head, frustrated with the thoughts that raged through my head. I gazed at her mournfully, knowing that I might never have another chance to tell her how I felt about her. I was sitting at my computer looking at the news when she woke up. I saw her grab Cheese-kun off the bed and hold it. I wondered why, our lives were so much of a game. I hated it. It was the only game I hated.

I mused over these jumbled up thoughts for quite some time. She never said anything and never moved. I sighed and ordered Pizza Hut for her. It would be the concession for her winning our last game. She understood these little things. I cared about her, regardless of whether I could say it or not. I hoped she knew. No, I knew that she knew…

* * *

I gazed at him mournfully as he called, ordering my favorite of pepperoni and double cheese. I knew it wasn't good for me, but I liked it anyways. I held Cheese-kun tight and gazed at him intently. He seemed to be warm and bright on the outside, but so shut in on the inside. Could he not see my feelings for him? Were they not so transparent? No, he chose to unwittingly continue this pointless charade. It saddened me greatly that he would seemingly ignore my feelings for him. I wished I could express myself to him. Maybe then he would understand the things I did. Maybe then this game would end and I'd finally find a purpose to live for.

Life is cruel to say the least. It's given me a taste of great happiness being with Lelouch, yet it taunts me knowing I will outlive him and have to find someone again. I'm not going to play that game anymore though. Lelouch will be my first true love, and my only one. I'm sick and tired of this endless chase for someone now that I've actually found someone. It wasn't a game anymore, and that realization hurt. I knew that what I wanted was impossible, Lelouch wasn't immortal like me. Lelouch wasn't like me at all. But he radiated what I needed. Warmth, care, and protection. He might not have known it but he gave me all of those things and more.

Sometimes I cry at night when I think about these things. Sometimes I creep into his futon and he would hold me in his sleep. I liked that. I liked to pretend that we were both awake, and that he really did care about me. I knew he did though… The fact that he would put my life over his plans was statement enough. I'm tired of these charades. I so wanted to end it right here and now. But I couldn't. My heart screamed at me, my mind silenced my heart, and my eyes were drowning in tears. He never noticed though, my façade was just too great. I've forgotten how to take it down now… But I'll never let him go. I will stay with him through life and through death. Even if it must become another game, I would endure.

"Lelouch…" I mumbled, looking up form Cheese-kun. He looked up and met my eyes.

"What is it C.C." He said in his emotionless voice, his stare blank.

I stared to confess myself, but I stopped. I couldn't. Not now. It would serve as a distraction to him. My wish would just have to take priority over my feelings I suppose… Regardless of how I fell, regardless of how I run, life would still just be another game. Lelouch and I would just be more players…

--

A/n: Well I hope this wasn't too disappointing :(. I tried my best, but I didn't really know if it came out coherently. Please R & R :)


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